Looking Up.

“Thick gray steam rises from within the small bathroom, and within a man leans against a tile shower wall, head down and eyes closed. Water cascades over his form, and he wishes it would wash away dark. If only he could see the bad dreams swirling around the drain to eventually wash away. His skin is pink from the heat, and yet he still doesn’t move. “ … “Both his arms are resting on the tile above his head” … “His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s been in here quite a while.”

- Excerpts from a short story written by my dear friend, Amber.

There’s a reason why I started today’s blog with those fragments; They describe me perfectly. Well, my shower ritual that is. The shower is sacred to me. It’s where I get my ideas, let go of my emotions and finally restrain them again for the following day. It’s where my mind is totally at ease, and I can put things into perspective. In retrospect to my whole life, no other place has ever given me this kind of spiritual freedom. But alright, on with the show.

Yesterday I had a girl over at my house, well actually, in the wagon. Nothing happened, but it was nice seeing someone else than family and co-workers for a change. It’s been a week and a half since Cindy and I broke up, and until yesterday she was the last person I voluntarily laid eyes upon. Anyway, Claudia and I had heaps of fun, and I hope we can do this again. Although my mother seemed to be convinced that she was my new girlfriend, at which I just shrugged. Never cared about her opinion anyway. Another great thing about getting in touch with Claudia again: We might record a duet together. Though I’m hard headed and don’t believe my voice is anywhere near good enough, I’ve accepted her offer. And I’m secretly very excited. Well, not so secretly anymore now.

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a few shirts from DistrictLines. Well, they still haven’t come in yet. One of the shirts has the pre-sale status even though sale started on 7-11. And it says on their site that, even without delay, international shipment can take up to 4 weeks, but I’m growing slightly impatient.
How fucking long can it take to get a piece of cotton in stock?

Well, this has been a short blog, with short paragraphs. If they’re even worth that title.
I hope this entry finds all readers in good health, and a positive state of mind.

See you on the flipside.

Marth

PS: Check out LastOfTheNarwhals.
It’s the vlog channel of another dear friend. I think she’s doing an amazing job so far, and I’m certain she’ll become even better.

Perfectly Lonely.

"Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
A simple little kind of free.
Nothing to do, no one but me.
That's all I need."

The last couple of weeks have been awkward to me. I started working more hours, which made a huge dent in my social life. What little time I have left is most probably spent on the internet, when it should be spent on writing.
Also, I decided to break up with my girlfriend, after 17 months and two days. It became obvious to me that I did not love her anymore, and I did not wish to lie to her.
As heartbroken as she was, that's how guilty I feel.

I'd like to say that the guilt is the only feeling I got from it. But I also feel lost all of a sudden, as if all my dreams and expectations died with our relationship. I know I'll get back on top as soon as I find a new cause.
How my ex will be, is unknown to me. Given the state I last saw her in, it might take weeks but probably months. She wished for us to remain friends, and I accepted. I did not have the guts to kick her when she was down. Although I know it'll make her recovery take longer, I'll respect and honour this wish.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't turned into a wrist-slitting, ETF worshipping emo just yet. Not that I ever will. Life just has its ups and downs, and this is an obvious and unavoidable down.
I know she is in great hands though, she has wonderful friends to support her. And I have mine.


I guess it's almost bedtime again, but I really don't feel like sleeping.
I'd like to enjoy this evening by listening to John Mayer and Nick Cave, as I sit here with a beer while roaming the internet.
But alas, the alarm is set for 2:30am and I have to answer its call.

So this is a goodnight as well as a see you soon.

See you on the flipside.

Marth

Colour in my life.

So I've been making massive work hours lately, at the expense of my summer.
50+ hours aren't going to be that unusual, and they might even grow up to 60+ hours.
With that much time wasted, you'd say I don't have any time left for myself.
But somehow, I manage to relax every day.

The first thing I do when I get home, is get a cold beer from the fridge.
I'll light a cigarette and sit down outside, preferably listening to artists like Robbie Williams, Jamiroquai and Justin Timberlake.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going mainstream, this just suits my mood so much better.
Or could you picture someone mallow out to Lamb Of God's Redneck, or Pantera's By Demons Be Driven?

Right now, I'm sitting here listening to Summer of 69 and drinking an almost ice cold Monster.
(For those of you don't know, 69 isn't a year but the sexual position.)
With a cigarette in my mouth, I decided to text Erik and ask if we'll go swimming this afternoon.
It's too bad that he's working 'till six.

For those who've known me longer than a few weeks, you probably know I almost only walk around in black or the occasional white.
Yeah, change is coming. I won't stop wearing those colours all together but I need a bit more variation.
That's why I ordered all kinds of different coloured shirts from Districtlines.com, 4 Ray William Johnon shirts, and an aqua MeekaKitty shirt.

I'm actually not that excited about wearing colour, but I imagine lots of people would think it'd be an improvement from my usual gloomy appearance.
And I'd hate to have people think I'm gloomy.
(I mean, we all know I'm always extremely happy and content with myself, right?)

There's a block party here tonight, with a western theme.
I'm not really looking forward to it, I'd rather have a normal party instead of a themed one.
But since I'm in charge of music, I might as well show off what I can do and what I know of music.
My mom actually thought Cotton Eye Joe is real vintage country music.
I slapped her with a Johnny Cash album.

I'm also planning lots of other stuff for this summer, half of which probably won't come to fruition.
Appelpop 2010 is the first edition of this festival to have foreign superstars on the program. We've had Anouk, Di-Rect, Golden Earring, After Forever and Within Temptation over quite a couple of times but it's not the same.
So the first two international artists to ever play on that stage are Gabriella Cilmi and Alphabeat.
Neither of those two really interest me musically, but I'll go see Gabriella to drool some.

And the thing that'll cost me most of my money this summer: A weekend in Bristol.
I'll probably need about 700 - 1200 euros for that. It's what I'm really excited about, but dare I say it?
I dare say it: It would very possibly be the best weekend of my life.
No, wait. The best weekend of my life that doesn't involve sex or excessive use of alcohol.

So in short: This is going to be an interesting summer.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book to write and beer to drink.

See ya on the flip side.