Get me out of here.

This garden that I built for you
That you sit in now and yearn
I will never leave it, dear
I could not bear to return
And find it all untended
With the trees all bended low
This garden is our home, dear
And I got nowhere else to go
The geraniums on your window sill
The carnations, dear, and the daffodil
Well, they're ordinary flowers
But they long for the light of your touch
And of your trembling will
Ah, you're trembling still
And I am trembling too
To be perfectly honest I don't know
Quite what else to do

Excerpt from Nick Cave's Bring It On.

It's been a while since my last entry, but I'm not going to apologize.
For the simple reason that the people who actually read this have other ways of contacting me and being kept up to date.

So, what's new these days?

Well, I had to cancel my reservation at the hotel in Keynsham.
My payment for the plane ticket bounced because apparently I was a few euros short.
And now that I'm sure that I have enough money the ticket rates went up and I wouldn't be able to pay for transport to the hotel, or for food for that matter.
So I'm really bummed out right now, been upset with myself all day and it won't change for a while.
I've let down my best friend Chloe for the second time by letting this happen.
Well, I'm pretty sure I have 'cause I haven't heard from her since I told her.
Chloe, if you read this: I really am terribly sorry, and I will make up for it.
Don't know how yet, though.

So I've been free from work since Thursday afternoon, but I considered Friday morning to be a part of a extended weekend. I'm officially on vacation since yesterday morning. Around noon that day I said my parents goodbye as they went on vacation, and they're not to return until Friday.
Since Erik has started work, I'm home alone except for when he's home to eat dinner and sleep. It's lonely, and extremely boring.
Since everyone I know is either working or attending school, I have nothing to do but watch movies and play video games.

Tomorrow though, will be dedicated to listening vinyls and writing.
Well, at least the morning. It'll probably be filled with Leonard Cohen, Johnny Cash and Pink Floyd.
In the afternoon, I have my new teaching job to attend to.
Well, it's more of a charity than a teaching job.
The mother of the boy next door called 'round to ask if I could teach him how to skateboard properly.
I said I will, so now he's coming by tomorrow for his first lesson.
Since I feel solely responsible for his health during this time, I'll fill his head with speeches about safety and protective gear first.
Then I'll probably just help him find a stance that works for him, and teach him how to stay balanced. Since he's a bit hyper-active, it could take a while.
With the mood I'm in right now, I'll probably get annoyed with him and scold him, though.
After those two hours, it's time for my microwave lasagna and a cold beer, followed by more writing.

I haven't got anything else figured out for my vacation yet, except for the free music festival on September 10th and 11th.

That's about all I have to say, so I guess I'll quit writing now.

See you on the flip side,

Marth.

Currently listening to:
Jet - Radio Song
Damien Rice - Delicate
Nick Cave - Bring It On
Jet - Look What You've Done

Arrival.

My newest short story and I believe the first one I post here.


The door fell shut behind me and I walked further into the room, still holding a bag in each hand as I looked around. There stood a desk, a chair, and a bed that seemed so much more comfortable than what I was used to from my life at home. My bags I threw at the wall, and my eyes closed as I let my body fall on the bed. It was sized for two people, but I would have it all to myself for the nights to come. After at least half an hour had come to pass, I put myself into motion to unpack my bags and get settled. Most of its contents, a few sets of clothes and other essentials, I put back and a stack of paper went into one of the desk’s drawers. Then my feet moved me back to the bed, where I took off the sheets and pillow just to throw them back on. In my mind’s eye that neglectable ’mess’ made the room feel like a new, better home that I got used to far too quickly. I must’ve stood there for a very long time, ‘cause the next time I looked at my phone I only had an hour left before she would arrive. I forced myself to move and raced out of my room, down the stairs and finally through the hallway ‘till I got outside. Once there, my hand reached for my lighter and pack of smokes in my left pocket. “Gotta love smoke free hotels.” I said to myself as I lit one up. While standing there and overlooking the street, I thought about how the hell I ended up so far from home. While giving everyone who passed by the same dirty look that I always have, I quickly finished my cigarette before racing back to my room.

The towel grinded over my body after I had taken a quick shower, before I slipped into a black boxer and started brushing my teeth. There wasn’t any time left to waste, for my dear friend would arrive anywhere between that moment and an hour later. After rinsing the toothbrush and putting it back in its place, I hurried back into the bedroom to put on a pair of grey-blue jeans and a black sleeveless shirt. The first sock was barely slid onto my foot when someone knocked on the door, and I knew for sure that it had to be her. Now I could’ve told her to hold on a moment as I finished tidying myself or I could’ve let her in and then finish up, but I didn’t. All my mind wanted me to do was to just stay there and wait for her to go away, I was that nervous. But it was such a great thing that my body refused to take orders for that single minute. My eyes focused on the door as my hand reached into a pot of gel, followed by me stumbling hopping through the room on one leg so I could put on the second sock and simultaneously do my hair. There was only one step left towards the door when I tripped, and gave the door a good old fashioned head butt. After getting up and cursing in my Dutch dialect I wiped the gel off my hand in the back pocket of my jeans. My hand rested on the doorknob and I paused for a second to brace myself, then I breathed in as deep as I could as if I was about to dive under water.

And that’s when my old friend, nervousness, struck me the hardest since we planned this meeting. A million thoughts raced through my mind at the same time, quickly blending into one another but all ever so clear.
What if she won’t like me in person, will we be friends afterwards? What the fucking hell are we going to do today, and what if we can‘t agree on an activity? On the other hand; What if I won’t like her in the flesh, would coming out here be a huge mistake? Should we have waited a while longer before doing this, should we even be doing this at all? Stop it, you fucking idiot, this’ll all go great and it’ll be great for you both. Yeah maybe, but what if it’s a little bit too great? You tend to mistake friendship with love easily, and it has cost you friends before. I know, but I swear I won’t, not this time. There’s no way that I’m allowing this to turn around on me, on us. Now open that door and have a great time.
I finally released my breath and then took a quick second one as I closed my eyes. Then as my breath turned back to its regular rhythm and I opened my eyes again, my hand slowly turned the knob and pulled the door open.

Happy?

So recently I've been really happy, and it seems nothing can keep me from being so.
Which I'm really happy about, but it kind of scares me.
Which in turn makes me happy as well, 'cause it means I'm not forgetting where I came from.
I need to remember that as vividly as possible, if I wish to continue writing.
Happiness is the biggest cause for my writer's blocks.
But I don't really want to.

I don't want to have to pretend to have unreachable dreams and ideals, just to type down a few words.
I'll choose happiness over writing, if I have to.

Love.

A very short story that I just wrote a few minutes ago.

He looked on as people, young and old, strolled by him. Some were holding hands and others held their dog’s leash, but all came to enjoy their afternoon. The young man was tall and slender, with dark brown eyes and hair that was only a touch lighter. His hand brushed his chin where he had a small yet deep cut, obtained while shaving earlier that day. He had agreed to meet his love interest here, but she was running a bit late. His eyes drifted past all the faces of women as they passed by, but not one had proven to be hers. As he stared out the park gate and crossed his arms to protect from the chilly breeze, he hoped that he hadn’t been stood up. A hand slipped into his pocket to check his phone for the time, but it did not seem to pass at all. The phone disappeared into the same pocket, and an mp3-player appeared from another one. The earplugs were guided into place, for he wished the music would make time flow and bring her to him just a bit sooner.

A full hour later he still stood there, feigning to have faith in the girl’s swift arrival. Just when he had decided to quickly get a drink at the store across the street, he felt two arms reaching around his sides and pulling him back. The adolescent man smiled as he turned around, so that her beauty might grace his eyes. His arms followed her example and hugged back, and his head leaned down for his lips to meet hers. When his fingers traced from her back to her sides and tickled her, she couldn’t help but giggle and pushed him back. The grin on the man’s face then turned into a warm smile, as he studied her appearance. Her long brown hair fell just past her shoulders, and her big eyes reminded him of a song by Van Morrison. She was about a head shorter than him, but almost equally slim. Her body was covered in a simple light blue dress that slightly accented her curves, making the girl even more beautiful to his eyes. After looking at her a little while longer, the male reached out for her hand and pulled her into his arms once more. This time it was the girl’s mouth that reached for his, and they engaged into a long and tender kiss. This was love. Nothing but pure, sweet, healing and timeless love.

Permission.

"Well how long have I
Been sitting here, I must have drifted off
I cannot finish any of my thoughts
Forgive me for my wayward shot

Well, I close my eyes
Remove each piece of armor one by one
Inhale this moment deep into my lungs
Make amends for all I've done

All of my devils are free at last
And all my secrets revealed
And your permission is all I
Need to heal"

-Excerpts from "Permission" by Sixx: A.M.

Today, I chose these fragments for one simple reason; I feel like I can finally be more open towards people, something I couldn't for most of my life.
My demons defeated, and my mind at ease.
Something I've been trying to accomplish for years.
For this I owe my thanks to some of my online friends, and my two regular co-workers.
Over the past few months they slowly broke down my walls brick by brick.
Funny how the smallest one broke down the biggest part bare-handed.
When she reads this, she'll know I'm talking about her.
But I'd still like to give them all equally much credit.
My friends: I love you. My co-workers: You're cool.

So, on another note; I'm re-styling my Youtube videos. With help from my dear friend Mandy, I'm changing the looks and feel of it. There will hopefully be more collaborations with friends and fellow Youtubers as well. One thing I will definitely try to do, is to get local musicians to come over and talk about their music, as well as share some of it with the world.

That's about it, I think.

See you on the flip side,

Marth.