Perfectly Lonely.

"Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
A simple little kind of free.
Nothing to do, no one but me.
That's all I need."

The last couple of weeks have been awkward to me. I started working more hours, which made a huge dent in my social life. What little time I have left is most probably spent on the internet, when it should be spent on writing.
Also, I decided to break up with my girlfriend, after 17 months and two days. It became obvious to me that I did not love her anymore, and I did not wish to lie to her.
As heartbroken as she was, that's how guilty I feel.

I'd like to say that the guilt is the only feeling I got from it. But I also feel lost all of a sudden, as if all my dreams and expectations died with our relationship. I know I'll get back on top as soon as I find a new cause.
How my ex will be, is unknown to me. Given the state I last saw her in, it might take weeks but probably months. She wished for us to remain friends, and I accepted. I did not have the guts to kick her when she was down. Although I know it'll make her recovery take longer, I'll respect and honour this wish.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't turned into a wrist-slitting, ETF worshipping emo just yet. Not that I ever will. Life just has its ups and downs, and this is an obvious and unavoidable down.
I know she is in great hands though, she has wonderful friends to support her. And I have mine.


I guess it's almost bedtime again, but I really don't feel like sleeping.
I'd like to enjoy this evening by listening to John Mayer and Nick Cave, as I sit here with a beer while roaming the internet.
But alas, the alarm is set for 2:30am and I have to answer its call.

So this is a goodnight as well as a see you soon.

See you on the flipside.

Marth