“Thick gray steam rises from within the small bathroom, and within a man leans against a tile shower wall, head down and eyes closed. Water cascades over his form, and he wishes it would wash away dark. If only he could see the bad dreams swirling around the drain to eventually wash away. His skin is pink from the heat, and yet he still doesn’t move. “ … “Both his arms are resting on the tile above his head” … “His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s been in here quite a while.”
- Excerpts from a short story written by my dear friend, Amber.
There’s a reason why I started today’s blog with those fragments; They describe me perfectly. Well, my shower ritual that is. The shower is sacred to me. It’s where I get my ideas, let go of my emotions and finally restrain them again for the following day. It’s where my mind is totally at ease, and I can put things into perspective. In retrospect to my whole life, no other place has ever given me this kind of spiritual freedom. But alright, on with the show.
Yesterday I had a girl over at my house, well actually, in the wagon. Nothing happened, but it was nice seeing someone else than family and co-workers for a change. It’s been a week and a half since Cindy and I broke up, and until yesterday she was the last person I voluntarily laid eyes upon. Anyway, Claudia and I had heaps of fun, and I hope we can do this again. Although my mother seemed to be convinced that she was my new girlfriend, at which I just shrugged. Never cared about her opinion anyway. Another great thing about getting in touch with Claudia again: We might record a duet together. Though I’m hard headed and don’t believe my voice is anywhere near good enough, I’ve accepted her offer. And I’m secretly very excited. Well, not so secretly anymore now.
A couple of weeks ago, I ordered a few shirts from DistrictLines. Well, they still haven’t come in yet. One of the shirts has the pre-sale status even though sale started on 7-11. And it says on their site that, even without delay, international shipment can take up to 4 weeks, but I’m growing slightly impatient.
How fucking long can it take to get a piece of cotton in stock?
Well, this has been a short blog, with short paragraphs. If they’re even worth that title.
I hope this entry finds all readers in good health, and a positive state of mind.
See you on the flipside.
Marth
PS: Check out LastOfTheNarwhals.
It’s the vlog channel of another dear friend. I think she’s doing an amazing job so far, and I’m certain she’ll become even better.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Perfectly Lonely.
"Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
A simple little kind of free.
Nothing to do, no one but me.
That's all I need."
The last couple of weeks have been awkward to me. I started working more hours, which made a huge dent in my social life. What little time I have left is most probably spent on the internet, when it should be spent on writing.
Also, I decided to break up with my girlfriend, after 17 months and two days. It became obvious to me that I did not love her anymore, and I did not wish to lie to her.
As heartbroken as she was, that's how guilty I feel.
I'd like to say that the guilt is the only feeling I got from it. But I also feel lost all of a sudden, as if all my dreams and expectations died with our relationship. I know I'll get back on top as soon as I find a new cause.
How my ex will be, is unknown to me. Given the state I last saw her in, it might take weeks but probably months. She wished for us to remain friends, and I accepted. I did not have the guts to kick her when she was down. Although I know it'll make her recovery take longer, I'll respect and honour this wish.
Don't get me wrong. I haven't turned into a wrist-slitting, ETF worshipping emo just yet. Not that I ever will. Life just has its ups and downs, and this is an obvious and unavoidable down.
I know she is in great hands though, she has wonderful friends to support her. And I have mine.
I guess it's almost bedtime again, but I really don't feel like sleeping.
I'd like to enjoy this evening by listening to John Mayer and Nick Cave, as I sit here with a beer while roaming the internet.
But alas, the alarm is set for 2:30am and I have to answer its call.
So this is a goodnight as well as a see you soon.
See you on the flipside.
Marth
A simple little kind of free.
Nothing to do, no one but me.
That's all I need."
The last couple of weeks have been awkward to me. I started working more hours, which made a huge dent in my social life. What little time I have left is most probably spent on the internet, when it should be spent on writing.
Also, I decided to break up with my girlfriend, after 17 months and two days. It became obvious to me that I did not love her anymore, and I did not wish to lie to her.
As heartbroken as she was, that's how guilty I feel.
I'd like to say that the guilt is the only feeling I got from it. But I also feel lost all of a sudden, as if all my dreams and expectations died with our relationship. I know I'll get back on top as soon as I find a new cause.
How my ex will be, is unknown to me. Given the state I last saw her in, it might take weeks but probably months. She wished for us to remain friends, and I accepted. I did not have the guts to kick her when she was down. Although I know it'll make her recovery take longer, I'll respect and honour this wish.
Don't get me wrong. I haven't turned into a wrist-slitting, ETF worshipping emo just yet. Not that I ever will. Life just has its ups and downs, and this is an obvious and unavoidable down.
I know she is in great hands though, she has wonderful friends to support her. And I have mine.
I guess it's almost bedtime again, but I really don't feel like sleeping.
I'd like to enjoy this evening by listening to John Mayer and Nick Cave, as I sit here with a beer while roaming the internet.
But alas, the alarm is set for 2:30am and I have to answer its call.
So this is a goodnight as well as a see you soon.
See you on the flipside.
Marth
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Colour in my life.
So I've been making massive work hours lately, at the expense of my summer.
50+ hours aren't going to be that unusual, and they might even grow up to 60+ hours.
With that much time wasted, you'd say I don't have any time left for myself.
But somehow, I manage to relax every day.
The first thing I do when I get home, is get a cold beer from the fridge.
I'll light a cigarette and sit down outside, preferably listening to artists like Robbie Williams, Jamiroquai and Justin Timberlake.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going mainstream, this just suits my mood so much better.
Or could you picture someone mallow out to Lamb Of God's Redneck, or Pantera's By Demons Be Driven?
Right now, I'm sitting here listening to Summer of 69 and drinking an almost ice cold Monster.
(For those of you don't know, 69 isn't a year but the sexual position.)
With a cigarette in my mouth, I decided to text Erik and ask if we'll go swimming this afternoon.
It's too bad that he's working 'till six.
For those who've known me longer than a few weeks, you probably know I almost only walk around in black or the occasional white.
Yeah, change is coming. I won't stop wearing those colours all together but I need a bit more variation.
That's why I ordered all kinds of different coloured shirts from Districtlines.com, 4 Ray William Johnon shirts, and an aqua MeekaKitty shirt.
I'm actually not that excited about wearing colour, but I imagine lots of people would think it'd be an improvement from my usual gloomy appearance.
And I'd hate to have people think I'm gloomy.
(I mean, we all know I'm always extremely happy and content with myself, right?)
There's a block party here tonight, with a western theme.
I'm not really looking forward to it, I'd rather have a normal party instead of a themed one.
But since I'm in charge of music, I might as well show off what I can do and what I know of music.
My mom actually thought Cotton Eye Joe is real vintage country music.
I slapped her with a Johnny Cash album.
I'm also planning lots of other stuff for this summer, half of which probably won't come to fruition.
Appelpop 2010 is the first edition of this festival to have foreign superstars on the program. We've had Anouk, Di-Rect, Golden Earring, After Forever and Within Temptation over quite a couple of times but it's not the same.
So the first two international artists to ever play on that stage are Gabriella Cilmi and Alphabeat.
Neither of those two really interest me musically, but I'll go see Gabriella to drool some.
And the thing that'll cost me most of my money this summer: A weekend in Bristol.
I'll probably need about 700 - 1200 euros for that. It's what I'm really excited about, but dare I say it?
I dare say it: It would very possibly be the best weekend of my life.
No, wait. The best weekend of my life that doesn't involve sex or excessive use of alcohol.
So in short: This is going to be an interesting summer.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book to write and beer to drink.
See ya on the flip side.
50+ hours aren't going to be that unusual, and they might even grow up to 60+ hours.
With that much time wasted, you'd say I don't have any time left for myself.
But somehow, I manage to relax every day.
The first thing I do when I get home, is get a cold beer from the fridge.
I'll light a cigarette and sit down outside, preferably listening to artists like Robbie Williams, Jamiroquai and Justin Timberlake.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going mainstream, this just suits my mood so much better.
Or could you picture someone mallow out to Lamb Of God's Redneck, or Pantera's By Demons Be Driven?
Right now, I'm sitting here listening to Summer of 69 and drinking an almost ice cold Monster.
(For those of you don't know, 69 isn't a year but the sexual position.)
With a cigarette in my mouth, I decided to text Erik and ask if we'll go swimming this afternoon.
It's too bad that he's working 'till six.
For those who've known me longer than a few weeks, you probably know I almost only walk around in black or the occasional white.
Yeah, change is coming. I won't stop wearing those colours all together but I need a bit more variation.
That's why I ordered all kinds of different coloured shirts from Districtlines.com, 4 Ray William Johnon shirts, and an aqua MeekaKitty shirt.
I'm actually not that excited about wearing colour, but I imagine lots of people would think it'd be an improvement from my usual gloomy appearance.
And I'd hate to have people think I'm gloomy.
(I mean, we all know I'm always extremely happy and content with myself, right?)
There's a block party here tonight, with a western theme.
I'm not really looking forward to it, I'd rather have a normal party instead of a themed one.
But since I'm in charge of music, I might as well show off what I can do and what I know of music.
My mom actually thought Cotton Eye Joe is real vintage country music.
I slapped her with a Johnny Cash album.
I'm also planning lots of other stuff for this summer, half of which probably won't come to fruition.
Appelpop 2010 is the first edition of this festival to have foreign superstars on the program. We've had Anouk, Di-Rect, Golden Earring, After Forever and Within Temptation over quite a couple of times but it's not the same.
So the first two international artists to ever play on that stage are Gabriella Cilmi and Alphabeat.
Neither of those two really interest me musically, but I'll go see Gabriella to drool some.
And the thing that'll cost me most of my money this summer: A weekend in Bristol.
I'll probably need about 700 - 1200 euros for that. It's what I'm really excited about, but dare I say it?
I dare say it: It would very possibly be the best weekend of my life.
No, wait. The best weekend of my life that doesn't involve sex or excessive use of alcohol.
So in short: This is going to be an interesting summer.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a book to write and beer to drink.
See ya on the flip side.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Here's some truths.
Though my favourite nickname someone gave me in the past 4 years is "idiot", I'd like myself to think that I'm rather intelligent.
Better yet; I know I am.
I pick up things quickly, and don't need manuals or examples.
I hardy studied at all to get my good grades.
My English was self taught, and I'm not nearly done.
I get to know other people's personalities like they're my own, in some cases I know them better than they know them selves.
I'm not bragging, just stating facts.
Granted, I do stupid and idiotic things.
A 90 mile bike ride in the middle of the night, sleepless nights between 10,5 hour work shifts.
I always get too drunk, never take any good advice and always want everything done my way.
And there's much more.
But I'll discuss some of that another time.
There's people I love so much I'd die for them.
And a few people I could kill without blinking, and without regret.
The people I love and who'll read this, will know I mean them.
The people I want dead will probably never know.
I'm not selfish enough to destroy some people's lives to get revenge on one person.
This is my first blog in about 6 months.
My first one on blogger/blogspot since March 2009.
It probably won't be the last.
See ya on the flipside.
Better yet; I know I am.
I pick up things quickly, and don't need manuals or examples.
I hardy studied at all to get my good grades.
My English was self taught, and I'm not nearly done.
I get to know other people's personalities like they're my own, in some cases I know them better than they know them selves.
I'm not bragging, just stating facts.
Granted, I do stupid and idiotic things.
A 90 mile bike ride in the middle of the night, sleepless nights between 10,5 hour work shifts.
I always get too drunk, never take any good advice and always want everything done my way.
And there's much more.
But I'll discuss some of that another time.
There's people I love so much I'd die for them.
And a few people I could kill without blinking, and without regret.
The people I love and who'll read this, will know I mean them.
The people I want dead will probably never know.
I'm not selfish enough to destroy some people's lives to get revenge on one person.
This is my first blog in about 6 months.
My first one on blogger/blogspot since March 2009.
It probably won't be the last.
See ya on the flipside.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Saturday night
Saturday night's alright for fighting!
My boys JB & Chilion proved that quite some time ago.
They just had to get in a fight, and get arrested.
God, I hate people who do that, pathetic fuckers.
I've seen it one too many times, and it never turns out right.
That night, Daniel had to go around to JB's at 5am, wake up his dad,
and explain why the ass wipe wasn't gonna make it to his soccer match.
Oh well, let's forget about the past.
As almost every night, I'm just sitting at home being bored out of my mind.
Like any one cares.
I've been working the night shift all week, from 3 to midnight, and I was busy as fuck.
Now, oncoming week, I have the morning shift, and on friday night I have to DJ at the Jam-Inn.
I'm really looking forward to playing music there, but I don't know if I can survive 'till saturday morning 5am. On top of that, I'm dating my beautiful, wonderful girlfriend for a month that saturday, so I can't catch up on my sleep. Not to be a whining bitch, but I'm gonna be seriously exhausted when I get home saturday night.
New clothes.
I ordered new clothes today.
Well to be precise, two new jeans, by Forplay. I can't wait till I get them, 'cause some of the pants I have now are falling apart. Cheecky discount jeans. And next week, I'll have to get me some new underwear, woop-tee-fucking-doo. I hate paying for everything myself. And I really, really hope I can live with my parents forever.
Conclusion.
I have said nothing interesting, nothing educational, and nothing amusing.
Which contributes to the fact that I am the twobillionandthirst lame blogger.
Marth signing out, smell ya.
My boys JB & Chilion proved that quite some time ago.
They just had to get in a fight, and get arrested.
God, I hate people who do that, pathetic fuckers.
I've seen it one too many times, and it never turns out right.
That night, Daniel had to go around to JB's at 5am, wake up his dad,
and explain why the ass wipe wasn't gonna make it to his soccer match.
Oh well, let's forget about the past.
As almost every night, I'm just sitting at home being bored out of my mind.
Like any one cares.
I've been working the night shift all week, from 3 to midnight, and I was busy as fuck.
Now, oncoming week, I have the morning shift, and on friday night I have to DJ at the Jam-Inn.
I'm really looking forward to playing music there, but I don't know if I can survive 'till saturday morning 5am. On top of that, I'm dating my beautiful, wonderful girlfriend for a month that saturday, so I can't catch up on my sleep. Not to be a whining bitch, but I'm gonna be seriously exhausted when I get home saturday night.
New clothes.
I ordered new clothes today.
Well to be precise, two new jeans, by Forplay. I can't wait till I get them, 'cause some of the pants I have now are falling apart. Cheecky discount jeans. And next week, I'll have to get me some new underwear, woop-tee-fucking-doo. I hate paying for everything myself. And I really, really hope I can live with my parents forever.
Conclusion.
I have said nothing interesting, nothing educational, and nothing amusing.
Which contributes to the fact that I am the twobillionandthirst lame blogger.
Marth signing out, smell ya.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Twenty.
No, I'm not gonna say "Hello world." like a fucking 13 year old during his first ICT or what-fucking-ever class.
So, yesterday was my 20th birthday, but I feel like it was my 80th. I'm getting too fucking old! It's a good thing I had friends to celebrate with, some more than others. The best fucking present I received, was Cindy's own Linkin Park wallet. Her fucking own wallet! People, it sounds shittier than it is. To me, that worn-down piece of leather is fucking priceless. All about who gave it, and the fact that it was her own. Fucking pure emotional value people! Though I doubt that even half of you has felt this way about anything. It's ok, you don't have to understand, as long as you read this, and keep reading from now on.
Back to the subject of origin. I was really bummed out that my girlfriend Cindy, from hereon after dubbed "Cindy2", could not be at my birthday. Her fucking grandma has the same birthday as I have! So even if our relationship lasts for years to come, I will not be able to hold my love in my arms on my own fucking birthday.
The best time I had that night, was with Joey and Jorina. We drank, and drank, and drank as if we knew no limit. And after we went to Tiel to drink some more and make noise, we came back to my place again and watched the whole fucking first season of Californication. By the time we were done, it was 9.30 AM.
This is all I have to tell you for now, I hope to bring you some updates actually worth reading soon.
Just remember these four simple things:
1. I do not give a fucking crap if you are Jesus or God, president or King, peasant or corporate executive, you can not touch me.
2. If you think I say "fuck" or "fucking" too much, then fuck off.
3. I like to criticize everything, even myself. Do not hold it against me, I am merely human. I have no interest in making a statement or proving I'm smart. I just wish to vent and cheer, even if my fucking voice is drowned out by the other 2 billion bloggers who have absolutely nothing to say.
4. My English is not perfect. I am not english, it's not my native language. Do not hold it against me.
Remember, for I will come back from the afterlife to make your life miserable. Anything and everything is possible.
So, yesterday was my 20th birthday, but I feel like it was my 80th. I'm getting too fucking old! It's a good thing I had friends to celebrate with, some more than others. The best fucking present I received, was Cindy's own Linkin Park wallet. Her fucking own wallet! People, it sounds shittier than it is. To me, that worn-down piece of leather is fucking priceless. All about who gave it, and the fact that it was her own. Fucking pure emotional value people! Though I doubt that even half of you has felt this way about anything. It's ok, you don't have to understand, as long as you read this, and keep reading from now on.
Back to the subject of origin. I was really bummed out that my girlfriend Cindy, from hereon after dubbed "Cindy2", could not be at my birthday. Her fucking grandma has the same birthday as I have! So even if our relationship lasts for years to come, I will not be able to hold my love in my arms on my own fucking birthday.
The best time I had that night, was with Joey and Jorina. We drank, and drank, and drank as if we knew no limit. And after we went to Tiel to drink some more and make noise, we came back to my place again and watched the whole fucking first season of Californication. By the time we were done, it was 9.30 AM.
This is all I have to tell you for now, I hope to bring you some updates actually worth reading soon.
Just remember these four simple things:
1. I do not give a fucking crap if you are Jesus or God, president or King, peasant or corporate executive, you can not touch me.
2. If you think I say "fuck" or "fucking" too much, then fuck off.
3. I like to criticize everything, even myself. Do not hold it against me, I am merely human. I have no interest in making a statement or proving I'm smart. I just wish to vent and cheer, even if my fucking voice is drowned out by the other 2 billion bloggers who have absolutely nothing to say.
4. My English is not perfect. I am not english, it's not my native language. Do not hold it against me.
Remember, for I will come back from the afterlife to make your life miserable. Anything and everything is possible.
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